Why I am a Mother 9 times and more...

Thinking about what I am thankful for this time of year, I always think about motherhood. Coming from a big family and having one, I have heard everything rude you can imagine about having kids, including the perennial, 'Don't you know what causes that?' Discusting ignorance from idoit clowns. I've also been told I am a saint. I like that one. It tends to come from Catholics.

Believe me, I gave it great thought as a kid myself. I was a psuedo-parent my whole life. Gave up my childhood to feed, change diapers, bathe, dress and play with kids I did not bring into the world myself. My few belongings tended to get ruined or taken. My time was very rarely my own. And I didn't have much because at that time it was shared by many... what there was to share. I was Mom's assistant when taking care of kids I also cooked for the whole bunch and represented us working in the snack shops for Little League Baseball for my brothers where I invented and perfected the 'Suicide' soda drink. That was so we could afford to put the boys in ball. A parent had to volunteer. That was me. Also pitched in subbing as a Primary teacher as soon as I graduated from Primary, for Mom and then for her other teachers and worked in Primary until they changed to the block schedule. Then there was the food co-op. Some of my sibs helped too. But so Mom didn't have to go I did. So after giving the bulk of what free time I might have had growing up, to the care of other people's children, why did I have my own and so many of them?

I decided when I was 13, 2 things. I decided to remain a virgin til marriage and to have a large family of children and kept those 2 goals til fruition. About the large family, no matter how hard Mom worked, I saw her face when her children excelled and did wonderful things and how impressed she was by them. She would throw her head back, wide-eyed and put her hand over her mouth in exclamation. If you saw her do it once, you know she did it consistently when impressed. Dad even caught it in a picture once when Derek came into the room Christmas morning in a new suit about 1973 I think. It was a memory burned in my mind for good. It embodied all that was surprising and good in parenthood.

As a parent you can work hard, unappreciated for long periods of time, even with agressively ungrateful kids and keep doing your best, because they are your children. You brought them into the world and are committed to being the best parent you can. You are committed to keeping them safe, even from themselves. You teach them the fun things like walking and doing stairs and all the new words and phrases they will pick up. You guide them from their natural selfishness to how to be social, share and even watch out for others. Some are better at learning adopting an unselfish attitude than others, but you still work with them and patiently wait for them to get it. All along the way, you can choose to learn and improve as a parent for your kids.

When you have more than just one child, you hope they will appreciate the blessing of brothers and/or sisters. You hope they will understand the gift friendship, with someone from you family can be. They may have a different perspective on your family and even you, but the support from understanding, can be tremendous help. You hope when one is in trouble, the others will rush in with compassion, looking for ways to help, then do so. You hope that when one accomplishes something, the others will celebrate with them in various, non-illegal ways. You hope if one has an advantage, that will help another, it will be offered and used, without hesitation. You hope when mistakes are made, they are forgiven by the victim and not repeated, but amended, by the offender and forgotten and not brought up thereafter, by anyone else. You hope, that each will include one or more sibling in opportunities to spend time together and be thoughtful with each other. (Almost like how we treat the planet, gently.)

Atleast, that is how I feel as a parent. I gave birth to one son and committed to be his mother for the rest of his life. Then I did the same thing, 8 more times. I meant to have a large family. I believe that no matter what happens to each of us, we all have each other for love, support, understanding and to have fun with. As all my children have gotten older, I see interpersonal relationships developing, in all directions and it is fascinating and fun to watch. How fulfilling for me though, to be in the middle of all the goings on. To see the lives unfold and be part of the humor and successes. To help when needed, listening, dispensing percieved wisdom of experience, strategizing and recieving help when I need it too.

All in all, I have never regretted having one single kid, not ever, not even a little bit. The decision I made 41 years ago, still stands, no matter what. And as long as I am on this planet, in this lifetime, it will continue to stand. And, I might add, as my children draw others into this circle, named Team Cross a couple of years ago, the Cross Clan, as I think of it, I can be mom to them too, if they want. It doesn't detract from how I feel about my own kids, it adds to it.

Mother love is not a pie cut into so many pieces for each person. It is infinite and grows as needed, as much or more so than needed. There is plenty for all.

With all that has gone on this holiday with Ali's crisis, I've been thinking about how I feel about my children and kids in general and maybe this will give you a bit of an idea, why, at Thanksgiving and all through every year, I am so grateful for the honor of being a mother and doubt I will ever do anything, in my entire life, as noble, as being a mother to Jason, Trevor, David, Stephan, Alex, Tegan, Josh, Adam, Danica and their entourages and others who choose it too. And my greatest gift to each of my children since birth is the gift of each other.

Well I can tell a story...

Sparing no details in this story, I'll make this a bit shorter. My intent in sharing, is that other parents and caregivers can learn. We still aren't sure the reason Ali got so sick so fast other than that's what happens with infants get sick. They don't take days like adults. An adult might feel a little off one day, get a cough or runny nose the next and maybe a fever or diarrhea after that, kind of thing. A baby will be a bit off and in hours turn BLUE! I left a baby who had just had 1/3 of a bottle and was a bit perkier and in hours she was blue and rushing to MacKay Dee Hospital.

When I got to the hospital, (if you don't want this mental picture don't read til the ink color changes.) there were 10 people hovering around Ali, her little head was tipped back and dark and bright blue and purple and her lips were black. She was leaving the planet and I knew it.

A nurse was holding a sobbing Sarah and another one told me, "we are trying to keep her." Meaning Ali. She was critical and without medical assistance would clearly not be with us today.


When you bring an infant into an emergency room with a life threatening crisis with no idea what caused it, they will throw everything they have at it. They sedated Ali with morphine, hooked her up to IV's in her head and wrist to give her sugar water and antibiotics. Monitors and a breathing tube so they could keep her breathing when she stopped doing it herself. They made it clear, that's where she was headed, as if we couldn't see that ourselves. I called to get Danica watching Mia and Aidan so Trevor could be there as he needed to be part of the decisions and a couple should be together through things like this. (Another story from personal experience, for later.)


By the time we got Trevor there, the helicopter was warmed up to transport Ali to Primary Children's Hospital (PCH) and the staff was working hard to get her as ready as possible for that move. They said they don't have pediatric intensive care at MacKay Dee like they do at PCH, although we are very impressed with them. The Life Flight crew got the helicopter ready and off baby Ali went, with her life in a completely precarious place. I drove Trevor and Sarah to PCH.

Monitors for heart, oxygen and breathing may have been on her at MacKay Dee, but definitely were in Primary Children's Hospital. When we got there, she already looked better... pale but not how she had looked. They tested blood, urine, stool and even did a spinal tap hopefully to rule out menengitis. Scary stuff. Her caregivers are amazingly talents and serious professionals. It is 2 days later and we still don't know what is wrong.

Baby Ali is better. Still on an IV with antibiotics and fluids, but Sarah, who has not left the hospital in 3 days, is nursing her again. This details of the story are plenty, but the main thing I want to share is how illness can happen in an infant.

You see, when adults get sick, they may feel off a day, then have a scratchy throat or runny nose or something annoying the next day and maybe day three gives them a fever, diahhrea or something.

Babies may act a little off and in a couple of hours, turn blue-ish with their eyes rolling back in their heads. Gastro enteritis or the stomach flu is not a big deal generally in adults, but... It is the number 1 killer of babies in the world! I had no idea! It hits fast and putting off getting medical care makes the difference in life and death and I am not exaggerating. It doesn't end badly in America as often due to fast response of emergency room personnel, but babies have to get there fast enough. Believe me, I attribute the fabulous health of my children to not vaccinating them, feeding them healthy food and filtered water, sunshine and outdoor exercise and old, old fashioned good sense. We use vitamins and supplements. I make tinctures and salves and grow fresh herbs and the list goes on and on of natural good things we do to maintain good health.

But today, again, I am grateful for sharp medical professionals who do their jobs well and quickly. I know without Sarah, intuitively knowing something was 'off' with her baby and getting to a hospital, Ali would not be here today.

Being a parent is the toughest job ever. Period. And being a good one takes all you have and more. I know this one. When caring for children, stay aware and on top of things. That's how we keep them here! I am happy to be one of those you call when you aren't sure what to do! I have sure had my share of injuries and occasionally, the odd illness with kids!